Well it sucked.

The adoption conference call was painful and frustrating. The short version is that the home in Mexico helps pregnant women deliver healthy babies safely, it is NOT expressly a home for women to stay in before they give up their babies. So only about 20% (figure rounded up) of the women give up their babies for adoption, and less than that for international adoption.

When Michael and I signed on for Mexico we thought the home for mothers there was like the Gladney home in Ft. Worth where most women intended to give up their babies. Don't get me wrong, I think what they are doing in Mexico is wonderful! I want Moms to have their babies in a safe and healthy environment and I would never want any Mom to feel pressured to hand over her baby.

I just feel misled. I feel like we didn't have all the facts when we chose the program and it's a brand new Gladney program. Maybe Gladney didn't have all the facts when we started, but do they now? There's not a lot of trust on behalf of the families waiting for these babies. During this conference call we had tears, yelling, hurried assurances, apologies, the whole nine yards. I just really don't need to listen to a woman sobbing on the phone b/c she wants her baby so badly. It opens up places in my heart I really try not to visit unless I absolutely have to.

We started the adoption process when J was FOUR and next month he will turn SEVEN. You betcha most of the time I push this stuff out of my mind. Michael has observed that I am already "parenting" this baby that we don't even know. "I'd like another kid but you seem to need one", he's said (not unkindly). It's b/c women are absolutely nuts and become insane as mothers. I not only parent this baby already in my heart, I actually morn the babies Mike and I will never get to have.

So yes a low point, a couple of gray days. Today dawned better though, and God bless M and JD who love me when I'm crazy and sane.

Em